Mar 22, 2008

Check it.

Check it. I think that Poseidon is the god of this blog.

This plate is also the god of my blog.

It is a pantheistic blog, and gods can be added if something makes that happen. As we know, in addition to the sea, Poseidon is the god of earthquakes and horses, but what I'm saying is, how hot is that? Poseidon is quite hot. He is not real, but I am sure that no one cares.

This one probably says more about the artist than anything else. In terms of metal heads, I think Poseidon would be way hotter as a metal head than he is in this picture, which kind of makes me think of a cross between the movie The Room; my roommate's boyfriend from my sophomore year in college; and the WWF, except that it is all taking place under water. In my head I just heard the beginning of "Mutherfuker" from Mellow Gold.

This is a nice one. He's the one on the left. It's a classic, he looks great here, knows his job and does it.

Poseidon is not Mr. Clean; why is that even a possible fallacy? The association is a little bit at cross purposes --> Poseidon makes shit happen, but he also can be kind of a hot mess. In this I like the foggy gray thing though. But why does the ship wrecked guy have a Jesus feel? Jesus worshiping Poseidon is also not plausible.

Again, why is this preoccupied with Jesus? His halo is bigger than his trident, plus why does he even have a halo?

Old dude Poseidon. This is fine, something for everyone. Old dude mermaid isn't for me, but that is just one person's opinion. Is that supposed to be Zeus in the sky watching him show that little boat who is the boss?

He's superhot here, and the aquatic horses are mint.

This is a weird one. He *should* be hot, but he's actually not hot at all. Even though his body is all whatever, he seems awkward and self-serious, and the room in the background is terrible, the sad guy with no forearms and a lone museum goer, plus they made it look like he's giving the track light a kiss with his awkward lips.

Here he is with Amphitrite at their wedding. This is a nice one, and a little bit sad; they look good here but they weren't that happy.

Anyway, he is superhot. Windows are full of pantheism. You don't even have to be trying, to see the presence of every god you can possibly think of in this window setting.

It is not very visible, but the curtain in this picture is not there anymore. A while ago, when I was cleaning, as part of it I threw out all the curtains. They were like gentle diapers of nostalgia and they wafted sunlit dust every day and creeped the shit out of me. The day I took them off and put them in the basement garbage of my building, it was like the end of El Orfanato, the movie by the Pan's Labyrinth person Guillermo del Toro, and it was like I left the Tomas's little house of my mind, except that I am not dead. As a temporary solution I put rice paper on the windows, which is probably sadder than I realize, but window dressing is such an enormous, Freudian step, and now that they are gone, I am not ready to rejoin society in this important formal way; they are like a fountain or a mausoleum.

Other decorating advice that I would offer is to buy nice bedding and expensive statues. Buying bedding is a shopping preference of all the gods for obvious reasons. Recently, I was shopping for sheets
. It can be difficult to decide on bedding if it is important to you, but a lot of times, something unexciting that is comfortable that blends in is all you are looking for. Even the fanciest of what I liked --> Marimekko mish mosh and Marimekko knock-offs --> is much less exciting than most of what I saw, or what I might do in a parallel universe. Here is some bedding that suggests that only a small percentage of our existence is concerned with logic and the rest of it with things that mostly aren't called anything.


This wouldn't be my bed, but something about it moves me. It makes me think of being somewhere in a strange house, but somewhere I might actually sleep, like visiting someone for a weekend or a holiday. It is from L.L. Bean, not my taste esp., but this picture has something.

Again, this wouldn't be my bed, I don't think, but this one I find as mysterious as Crate & Barrel wants me to find it. I don't know if I should hope to find myself in this bed one day or not. I think I would like it if it was in a very fancy, contemporary hotel in Germany, Japan, or Sweden, or in a minimalist mansion overlooking a pond.

Defining Elegance was a deeply exotic bedding tour. It is not a place I would shop, but it was more like bedding porn. This example is obviously modeled after those disgusting Italian candies that are ribbon candy on the outside and chocolate on the inside and taste like a funeral parlor.

Kathy Ireland has her own bedding collection, which can be found on Luxury Spreads.

She recommends dry cleaning the Hacienda sheet set. Maybe it's because these have door hinges all over them.

Cannock hinge.

Luxury Spreads also has a camouflage collection.

If you notice, in the corner of this picture, it says Mossy Oak New Break-Up. I am going to guess based on my brain power and some light googling that this term refers to something having to do with the woods. This bedding is also cross-listed under Men's Bedding, which is where I first encountered it, and Luxury Spreads listed the name of this set, not as "Mossy Oak New Break-Up," but as just "New Break-Up," which is of course why I clicked on it: who does not want to know what newly single men's luxury cotton/poly sheets should be?
After some time has gone by, the man can settle into regular sheets, called Break-Up.

Other camo-themed sets included this barftastic bedding event that no doubt smells like paint ball.

And this set, called Young Attitudes Camouflage Khaki. Should post-traumatic stress disorder be expressed as bedding?

This one is called Blaze. I don't know what that means, unless it means exactly what it sounds like, which is that when you close your eyes you dream about burning villages.

ZZ Top meets Miss Piggy. I probably would have had an orgasm over this when I was 8. I am arguably having an orgasm over it right now. There is probably a bowl of m&ms on the nightstand. Also comes in purple.

For sleeping? These ones are called Nepal, but it seems like anything people would do in this bed they already do at lots of places, like the Hampton Inn on I-80 outside of Youngstown, or in any building on my block.

Hansel and Gretel's wedding night.

For a love that will last until lions with human bodies rule the Earth, m'lady/D&D-Ren fair white sale.

Self- explanatory.

Bed, or ginormous photo copy machine?

DNA filing system.

When the Earth can no longer be inhabited and we have to live inside episodes of Quantum Leap and/or Voyagers!.

The Shining, or loosely the end of 2001.